I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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