We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
