do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
being pregnant is like rehab
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
