I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
