somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
