i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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