i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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