I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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