Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
