he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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