I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
