I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
