I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
