i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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