guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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