Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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