and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
