i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
