Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
