was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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