I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
