So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
