There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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