Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
