yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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