please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
