My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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