Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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