its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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