I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
