You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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