What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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