not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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