Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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