i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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