i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
