I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
