There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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