Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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