hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
