He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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