Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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