I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
