I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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