They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
