Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
