so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
