So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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