i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
