I wannas sexs uuuuu
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
