At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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