do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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