idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
