He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
